Revamping

This is going to be long and no one needs to feel inclined to read it. I've really been thinking a lot recently about making changes in our family's life. I know I want us to eat better, and that I want Joey to watch less TV. We've always talked about how we have too much stuff, not to mention I'm working on getting healthy and loosing weight. It's like we need to revamp our whole lives, our home, our bodies, our daily activities, and our relationships.

Our home has always felt peaceful ... but never clean. I was raised by a very clean mother and she was raised by an annally clean mother. When Nate and I first got married I always was disgusted with the mess, while he couldn't see anything wrong with it. We were raised in very different environments, which is understandable when he comes from a family of 9 and I from a family of 6. Well, even though I've lawys been disgusted with the mess, I've never seemed to be able to get it in control. We have made progress, the kitchen now tends to stay clean (if I can keep Nate on task: he is in charge of unloading the dishwasher and when he doesn't ... oye). Well, tehn we rearragned the whole house and it has really helped, because now I have places for most things. However, I realised that we just have too much stuff. We have gone through it a million times and everything is so useful (or will be) that we don't get rid of much. Well, not this time! We are getting rid of our dishes (I used my birthday money to buy new adorable ones); some of my clothes; all of my maternity clothes; most of the baby boy clothes we are storing and won't be using for long enough that I'm willing to ditch them; the baby swing, bouncer, and maybe the exersaucer; my sewing basket; toys and books; the TV (that's right, the TVs going bye bye); and whatever else I missed. So we are going to have a garage sale. Problem is, we don't have a garage. We don't even have a yard. Next we are going to clean the cars, clean our office space, scrub walls, etc., and clean up the clutter inside the computer. I have redecorated, some, and still need to finish organizing some other things. I feel SOOOO GOOD to get rid of stuff and I haven't even gotten rid of it yet. I'm hoping that this will somehow represent the other extra crap that I'm caring around: 60 pounds of extra weight.

Our bodies are being revamped too. especially mine. I am taking 6 pills to kill the algea in my body 4 times a day (yes, 24 pills a day). They seem to be working wonderfully, and I am feeling a little better. During this time I'm not aloud to do much else; I can lightly bounce on my trampoline for 20 mins a day, but no other exercise, I can't take any of my other pills/multivitamins, and I'm just not aloud to do anything else right now. I've gone off sugar and feel awesome, which I think parctially has to do with Algea not screaming for sugar anymore because it's dieing and isn't going to bug me. Me, Joey, and Daniel are all sensitive to too much wheat and pasterized milk and so I need to come up with new ways of eating. I'm doing get at eating less and only eating when hungry, I feel like the needs that I had that I use to feed with food are now being feed through new healthier ways. I'm learning to love myself and love my body. I came to realize that my body can get its feeling hurt and when I'm mean to it and hate it, it just gets sad and there's no way it's going to do what I want it to. Now, instead of trying to change my body I am trying to love it and I do my best everyday to love and take care of it. It is the home that God gave me for my spirit while here on earth and I need to be grateful for it. I am reading a book called "Women Food and God" which is incredible! Anyone could apply it, even men, and I recommend it. I also love Elder Uchtdorf's talk on Patience from last conference.

We've revamped our daily life too. The boys now to go bed at 7pm and wake up at 7am. Nate and I go to bed at 10 and get up at 6. We spend our hour reading scriputes, exercising, and I read some other books and do some writing, etc. I've starting doing some things that Louise Hay recommends in her book, "You can heal your life", such as choosing to affirmations a day and writing them ten times each and repeating them throughout the day: things like "I love myself" or "I have lots of friends!" I also have tried "meditating" where after reading scriptures and stuff I just sit quietly for 3-5 mins and ask God if there is anything I need to know. I only allow positive thoughts into my head. I've have been reading the ensign and conference talks, too. When the boys wake up, we have breakfast, and pray, then Nate heads to work. Nate is now ceritified in the Emotion Code and is saving for the Body Code (which is amazing!). He found an office to work out of and is now looking for clients. He goes to work in the mornings, and does school in the afternoon (he has 1 1/2 week to finish his four online classes). Joey no longer naps, but has quiet time while Daniel naps. Some revamps still in the works are less TV time for Joey, more mommy time with the boys, more outside time, and I'm looking for ways to get Joey some friends to play with.

That connects us with revamping our relationships. I read a talk called "things as they really are" in the June Ensign, by Elder Bednar, and I thought it was awesome. He talked about how people's realities are screwed up when techonology goes unmonitored. I though about how Joey doesn't get to play much with other kids, but thinks that Buzz Lightyear, Lighting McQueen, and Pongo are real ... not good. He needs less TV (none, really) and more real people. In fact, I need more real people. I hardly now how to socialize anymore. When I got married, I was one of the last of my friends. They all moved away from Provo (see, they didn't marry freshman hubbies like I did) and I was still in Provo. I got pregnant right away and was really sick. Our ward was pretty retarded, and I made a friend or two, but not amazing ones. Then I became a new mom ... and where did that take me? not into socializing. Then, we moved to Santa Fe and I didn't need friends, I had my mom! Well, now here I am in Cedar City realizing that I have turned into a social retard. At first I thought some thing was wrong with me, then I remembered how easily I made friends in college. I can to the conclusion that making friends and conversation must take practice. The question now is ... where do I practice? I don't know. Still, all of my friends are in the computer. In reality they are miles away in different towns and states, but I keep in contact with them through the computer. So now, the computer is the friend, not the real people. ... Nate and I realized we needed to focus more on keeping our marriage fun, too. We need excitment, in more than one way. We don't have much money but we recommited to creating date nights at home once a week, ones that don't include a movie.

I guess we are revamping the finances too, as in, we are actually going to have some. Nate's starting his practice, and I have been editing so that we can pay rent next week. We are NOT going to take out another school loan for this next semester, we don't want any more debt. Nate is thinking we will stay in Cedar City after he graduates, since his practice will be doing so well, and we will pay the school loans off and save for grad school. Now get this, Nate has decided that he wants to go to a college for traditional chinese/oriental medicine. There are many schools but he's planning on one in Denver or Austin; we prefer Austin. His plans may change, but for now that's our goal. Nate's may become a chinese doctor. He would learn acupuncture, and herbology. Pretty cool.

We are in a new phase of our lives and lots of awesome, amazing, wonderful things are happening. I'm so excited to start feeling normal again and so excited to get skinny, but really I've been happy when I just take care of my body and spirit on a daily basis. I'm grateful for Christ's atonement, that makes it so that change and progress are possible. We are not stuck, we are not broken, we are not helpless; we are that we might have joy!

Grandma's Funeral

Here are pictures of our trip to Blanding for Grandma's Funeral, I know it's been a while. I have really gotten behind. But, for now, blogging is my way of journaling and I'm keeping copies, so I will be posting some old stuff:

This picture is my dad and his brothers. can you tell they are related?

 

I love this picture. This is Daniel at his Great, great, grandpa's grave

My mom's parents came

This right here is what you call bad news: my obnoxious Grandpa and my obnoxious uncle  getting together is when you get out. This is my mom's dad and my dad's oldest brother; they are about the same age. My Dad's mom just died at almost 93, when last year my great grandmother on my mom's side died at 99. My parents are only two years apart.

My mom and her mom ... I know, I don't look anything like them; i must have been adopted

Top: Val, Kleston, Hart, Asa

Bottom: Dorethea, Julene, Reah

We spent the rest of the day in Blanding. After dinner my dad took us to this park he remembered from his kid days. It was awesome. It was a real park with a real play ground. There were these huge tall swings, a teeter tooter, a huge slide, a mary-go-round, etc.

All my "blah". Actually... this is about the blessings in life

Man! want to know why I haven't blogged in a long time? let's start:
I've been traveling like crazy: In May and June we've been to Las Vegas, Alabama, Salt Lake, Idaho, Blanding, Santa Fe, and Salt Lake again.
Lost my $200 camera, hence I seem to think blogging won't work without pictures
Someone got my card info and started making purchases, we were $200 in the hole for a while
We have NO money, so I started editing again ... all day every day.
Therefore, everything else I need to do, isn't getting done
Nate's been on 3 scout campouts in 1 month
Nate also has 4 home study college courses to finish in the month of July, he took 15 credits this summer
I'm incredibly lonely, and I wish Joey had friends too.
I have been sick as heck, so tired I can hardly function, I'm emotional, and feel like I'll passout most moments.
Been doing all sorts of things to loose weight for 3 months, haven't lost a freakin' pound. I've really had to work through my anger about that one.
We completely rearranged the house, it has been quite the process and I'm still not done organizing.
Not to mention, everything else.

I have come to believe that every experience we have is one we chose so that we could learn the lessons we needed, overcome what we came to earth to overcome, and, in turn, become our best and highest selves. I also believe that every once in a while we are affected by the bad choices of others, and in those times, if we are doing our best, God takes care of us and uses it for our good.

Well, here I am:
Although the traveling is what made most of the messes, it has been the only fun I've really had in a long time and I'm very grateful for them.
My camera is still lost and I am still praying I'll find it, or that a magical $200 will show up so I can buy a new one.
The bank took care of the fraud, and we got our money back today, now we have $50 in the account! Woo hoo!!!!I was inspired to look at my account online and noticed it just after it had happened. I think we were able to cancle the order they made. I am grateful because the bank frooze the card, the person tried to make 3 other large purchases. And, I was paid early for piano teaching, so now I can cash the check and go buy groceries for the first time in a month.
The past two months, no editing jobs have been available, but since I've needed to make money, I've had jobs all week.
Who cares if my house is a mess, and if I'm a mess? well, I do. I will have to take Wednesday off!
Nate is graduating in December ... I thought this would never happen. But now I wonder: Do I want it to happen?
Nate will soon have the money to take his certification test and will become and energy/holistic therapist. Send clients his way!
A friend invited me to go to a movie with her and her friends. It felt good that at least on person in Cedar City thinks I'm not too detestable to have around. (I know, everybody loves me :) I just still don't know many people here).
We finally figured out what's making me sick, and are learning more. I inhaled green algea while living in England. That's right, I have mold in my body. It has attacked my nervous system and is making me dizzy, tired, light headed, confused, tipsy, weak and shaky, on the verge of siezers, not getting a lot of sleep (I could lay awake all night), and that's just some of it. I remember when Joey was first born I was afraid I would drop him, or drop a cup of water when drinking. I am SOOOO excited, I'm taking stuff and it is leaving my body. It will take about 2 months, and I am looking forward to it. My one frustration is that I'm told I may also have Lyme disease and the agenda for getting rid of that, right now, feels like hell to me (yes, I did just say that).
I finally got to let go, and am now learning to just love my body, as is. I hear that loving your body is the best way to heal, but I am trying not to love it just so it will change, but to just love it even if it never does... It's a work in progress. Now, if I just had pants to wear; I will save money to go buy some non-maternity pants (yeah, it's embarrassing), because I only have one pair. I use to have pants, but they got too big and I'm grateful that I'm at least not where I used to be. I have gotten smaller since last year.
Our apartment is awesome, I've gotten rid of stuff, and it's just a good thing.
Now if I could just go to sleep and not wake up for a week. Or at least stay in bed for a day?

Meanwhile I have the most wonderful Angel kids and an incredible husband. I also don't know what I would do without my mom.

In other words, life has been a very big, hard, wonderful struggle for me recently. But I think that's because I'm on the verge of some major breakthroughs. I'm glad God loves me and is making this all good! If nothing else, I do know that God loves me and he has always taken care of me. When it comes time to pay the rent, we will have the money; we always have some how. And, I think learning to love myself is the most important thing I can do here on earth. I am reading a book called "you can heal your life" by Louise Hay, and her main purpose is teaching you how to love yourself. I love it and recommend it. She believes that the route of issue is not loving the self, and I'm starting to agree. I'm also reading Elder Uchtdorf's talks on hope from a few years ago and his last conference talk on patience, among other things, which I also recommend.

If you remember, pray for Nate to be successful, and for me to just make it. I'm glad I at least have you, whoever you are.